shake it.groove it.move it.

:: Monday, October 26, 2009 ::

This is about me. And I'm writing it from the heart. I've been heartbroken. I don't know what to say, but i thought we were getting there. Some of you may know who I'm talking about and you know I haven't been me for sometime. Everything i do, it's just not me, I wake up and put a poker face, and before i sleep i take it of and cry my heart out, but it's just never enough. It's way to hard to just say in words, even though I'm sitting here typing and crying. Right now it's 1.10 and i can't sleep cause of more than just you. I so empty so forgotten so lost so alone... Thats how i feel. I haven't been reminded by the past I'm not sure how long it feels like to have someone so close, yet it keeps falling away like sand between my fingers, if I've counted correctly it has happened twice already and my heart... it's just not there anymore. especially when i put in so much time and after all that you just threw me aside. You just played me up, you made it feel so good, so happy, so very blind. What you did hurt me deeper than you think it did, and you don't know my past at all. What i would do to have one friend that cared for me just the same with the same loyalty and heart and time as i did for them. But no i haven't had a friend like that... not one. Always so close, yet it just goes downhill. I've had three girlfriends, all of them for about a month and 5 days at the maximum. Two of them i really had feelings for, the first... i don't really know why we got together but thats all cool now. Every time its just the same i invest time and money in a relationship but it just falls apart, not even because of me. The second one liked more than just one guy at a time, she liked a few, while the third, she told me she thought it was just a fling in my face. You have no idea how it feels to be told that when you just can't get over someone. Also there was a pact made, my hopes for a long lasting friendship till old, something that some people don't stick to at all. But thats fine since it's over and replaced by like 3,4,5 people i think. Somewhere last year my supposed close friend 'stole' 'my' girl from me in a sense as we weren't together or anything, and i just started developing feelings for her after 4 months. Not too long ago the same thing happened. 8 months, thats how long it took me to start developing feelings for this girl, but she took it and just threw me out the window and it hurts real bad i can tell you, but she cares for me no longer. How can she say i ruined her day in the beginning when she ruined my heart. She spoke sweet nothings oh yes, she told me she had feelings for me, but how am i to believe it when now she can be so heartless and just treat me differently from everyone else. I thought that maybe we don't need to together, I'd don't mind being best friends, she said I was that, but look where we are now. You don't really give a shit about me you just love seeing me in pain and down in the ditch and you know it. Now I've gone back to my old ways but it doesn't matter to you either cause if you don't care i guess you won't read it. All those promises you made were they real? Are you going to keep it? I've got no idea. I don't even got no real close friends at all looking at it. I know what you're going to say," Maybe it's your fault no theirs", maybe you should check first yeah? But right now I'm all alone, no one has bothered or cared so thats fine. But I'm writing this cause i can't stand no more sleepless nights no more crying no more nothing, I want to go out and have fun with my best of friends, which i don't even have, and just chill and talk when we're done doing all those crazy stuff. But it just ain't happening.

`chillax-
1:50 AM